Erica Colbenson

Single Ladies Unite: Column

Loving yourself first proves more important this Valentine's Day

By: Erica Colbenson

Posted: 2/5/10

Valentine’s Day is approaching, and I’m going through three emotions: depression, nausea, and even more depression.

Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate the idea of Valentine’s Day. However, I am being a hater because I don’t have a significant other to celebrate with. Otherwise, I am all for the candy, flowers, and glittery, heart shaped cards. But all this lovey-dovey crap has me begging the question, “Where my single ladies at?”

This year has been a rough one for me; not only with my school and working woes, but in my personal life as well. Over the summer, I fell for this guy—let’s call him Da Vinci. And ooh boy, is he perfect. Da Vinci is smart, funny, and charismatic, not to mention he has a great butt in those skinny jeans – wow. He was everything my heart desired, so like any independent woman, I pursued.

For months, I wondered if he felt the same; if his heart pounded every time he sawme, or if he thought about me from time to time. If you’re looking for a happy ending to this tale, you may want to stop reading here and turn the page. His heart remained the same pace no matter how much he saw me, and I was rejected.

I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest and all that was left was a big, empty, burning hole inside me. I felt ugly, stupid, and inadequate. When did I become that girl? At this point, Da Vinci and I are just friends. And in my pathetic attempts to get over him, I befriended his new girlfriend. Aren’t I just great?

In this horrible, unrequited love journey of mine, I realized three things: First, there are so many things in life bigger than having a boyfriend or girlfriend (depending how I feel). For instance, I see the people in Haiti who are surrounded by destruction and death. These people have lost everything they have ever loved and have no idea whether theirloved ones are still alive. And I’m crying because I don’t have a Valentine.

Secondly, I have enough love in me to share with the world. Why limit myself? Why tie myself down at 19 years old? Why not appreciate everyday I have with my family and friends? And lastly, that no man, no matter how perfect he may be, shouldn’t make me feel inadequate. I am everything my mother strived to make me; I am a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need
a man in my life to make me happy.

With that being said, I also learned that love just happens. It can’t be forced, chased, caught, or won. And that was the hardest lesson I had to learn. To all those with valentines, show them how much you appreciate them. Show them that there is no limit to love. For my Valentine’s Day, I will show my appreciation for someone who loves me unconditionally. Think it’d be weird if I sent myself flowers?